Alex Stanco
Managing Director

Only modern Australian to have both a chess opening and a wrestling hold named after him (namely, the "Stanco Gambit" and the "Stanco Knee-Wobbler"). 

Jonathan Bowen
Physicist: Sales & Marketing

Prime "mover-and-shaker" behind the scenes at the annual Cannes "flip-book" Festival, slated to overcome the more famous Cannes Film Festival in popularity by the year 2075, based on recent extraordinary growth figures. Toreador. Tea-leaf reader. Sits on various boards, including a long plank of cedar. 

Stuart Rumble
Spectroscopist: Sales and Service

Wrote doctoral dissertation "Some Theoretical Notes on Spinning around to get Dizzy in the Southern Hemisphere", which launched brilliant academic career and a slew of invitations to A-list soirees. "Full of profound insights" said the glittering review in Australasian Fence-Post. 

Ray Simonovie
Service Engineer

Former senior stunt co-ordinator for Bardot. Now seconded to the Big Brother octagon house where he is responsible for wiring, plumbing and safe removal of nuclear waste.

Mark Aizengendler
Staff Physicist: R & D

Inventor of the self-salting potato, set to revolutionise the fast-food industry. Numerous awards and honorary doctorates, including the once-prestigious Chair in Comfortable Seating at the University of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (currently in restructure). Recently accepted new position advising the Albanian military on the value of pi.

Caroline Christou
Manager OpticsShop

Well known in South America for her tireless work promoting dental floss as an alternative to string. Never goes anywhere without carrying her "lucky" paper-bag filled with gravel. Finalist in 1958 World's Longest Continuous Orange-peeling competition, before being disqualified for "attitude".

Julie Djunaedi
Accountant

Childhood star. Teenage rebel. Spent entire decade of the 80s translating the works of Dostoyevsky from Russian into Braille, and then a good part of the 90s translating them back again. Has now carved out a lucrative career making stubbie holders out of recycled Y2K compliance certificates.

Devised new formula for pi using farmyard animals for symbols. Once prepared lunch for President Richard Nixon due to catering error. Prodigious memory for olives, but not dates.

Foundation member of the notorious Mt Gambier Post-It Notes Collection League. Designer of the three-legged trouser. Ex-SAS storm-trooper on compassionate leave after much-publicised incident with tea-bag and grappling hook.

OpticsShop mascot

Marvellous improvement in attitude recently due to completion of counselling course. Still stops to smell roses, but now with a more realistic understanding of the time pressures involved.